I haven't blogged for a while. I haven't seen my counselor either. I've admitted to myself that I just don't want to have to face the fact that I haven't made any progress.
I've been drinking a lot lately.
I met a guy. I immediately felt as if something were going to happen between us. I often find myself believing that I have amazing intuition when it comes to these things.
However, he seems to have really had an interest in my friend all along.
I guess I'm blogging today because I'm just really sad. I've been emotional the past few days, but on the verge of tears all day. Last night I snuck out of a party and came home and cried. I texted my ex, saying things such as I am a piece of shit and nobody has ever cared for me.
It was sweet of him to answer. He attempted to console me, but I cried myself to sleep and stopped responding. He didn't text at all today.
I also saw him the other night for the first time in a month. I was really drunk. We just made out and he tried to have sex with me. I got upset and left. He also did not text me until I texted first.
My mother came to visit for my brother's high school graduation. I love my mother and spent as much time as I could with her during her short stay. I also saw other family.
Unfortunately, I guess because all of the focus was on my brother, I was in a low mood most of the time.
I'm eating a lot of crap food and gaining weight. People are telling me my tanning is unattractive. I'm finding myself more and more thinking that men only become infatuated with me, and nothing more.
I also found out this week that the guy I lost my virginity to is engaged. I don't think it really affects me, but as I am typing, I feel the need to include that.
I have just been really sad all day. And kind of bitter all week. And I don't really understand what is going on with me.
I'm trying to refrain from using Facebook. I'm not really texting people back or wanting to go out right now.
Nothing more to say. It is nice to be writing (er, typing) again.
Not really sure if I will begin to keep up with it once more.
For now, I will just continue secluding myself and reading.
I feel as though I may cry myself to sleep tonight, but I'd like to stay strong and focus more on independence and just sleep on my own.
