Birthday blues.

It's my birthday. Today I am 22 years old.

I went out drinking last night with some friends. Today I have laid around all day. One of my friends bought me lunch, and I am going out to dinner with my father in a little while.
I have received lots of happy birthday messages on Facebook and a few through text.

All in all, I feel as though I should be happy for the little things.

But I'm not.

I feel very empty. My life feels very empty.

I have friends, but I am unsure how much I would see them if I quit drinking.

I was about to type a lot of first world, spoiled girl problems, but I chose to delete them.

I don't know. I just feel like I am alive and that is it.

It hasn't been a good birthday. But it hasn't been a bad one. I don't hate my life. I don't really like it either.

I had somebody who loved me for everything that I was. Well, really, he obviously did not and that is why he's gone, but I felt as though he did. And I chose to act like I was single all of the time instead.

I don't want to need a relationship to complete me. I want to be independent.

But I feel empty without one. I feel like at the end of the day, it's just me. Which it is.

But I don't really like me. I guess I don't dislike me, either, but who am I? What is there to me?

I have no goals. I drink a lot. I haven't accomplished much of anything.

I wouldn't want to date me if I were somebody else.

I wouldn't want to be me if I had the choice.

I don't even know what I want to do to improve my life.

I just want to find meaning, to have a purpose.