We got back together a couple of weeks after my last post. We broke up again a couple of weeks afterwards.
It has been a little over a month since then. This time was different than the last. He no longer loves me. I have convinced him to continue hanging out with me and sleeping with me. He makes it clear his mind is made up and he does not want to get back together, so I've learned not to bring up my emotions with him. He says he enjoys hanging out with me and still cares about me, but not enough to be in a relationship.
Yet we are not fighting. And the things we used to fight over are so insignificant now. I see so much immaturity in how I acted when I was with him. I have learned so much.
But does the not fighting feel even worse than the fighting?
Yeah. Sort of. I am unhappy either way.
I know it's over but I keep trying to act like everything is ok.
I know the problem is rooted deeper than this relationship. I know I have things to work on.
But now I may be pregnant because of my own stupid decision. I want to keep him close until I know.
I want to keep him close for as long as I can... and I am delaying progress in my own life because of it.
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