starting over.

Too scared to read over my last blogs.
We got back together, broke up again, got back together again... the cycle continued.
Until on what would have been our year anniversary, he met another girl. And immediately jumped into a relationship with her.
This was a month ago.
They are together, and they say they are happy, and already appear extremely serious.

I have not heard from him.
The ending was very bad due to my own crazy actions.
I have been stalking her Facebook, hoping to see any aspect of his new life, praying she's a rebound and they will not work out.
Yesterday I finally opted to delete that Facebook (she has me blocked on my main account). I am trying so hard not to reopen the account to look.
Because no matter what I do, I know we were unhappy, and she makes him happy now.

I was miserable with him and I am miserable without him.
He has deleted me off of all social media, except for Skype. We are both constantly logged on to Skype.
It is my last remaining connection to him.
It is the last thread I can't cut.

I miss him every single day, but I am not allowing myself to contact him again.
It is different this time. He has a new love. He will not be coming back.

Regardless of me praying that he will miss me when he sees I am happy without him, I know this time is different.
He is a smart man and realizes we were not going to work.
Yet it still astounds me how rushed his new relationship is. But his friends say he is happy. And she seems beyond happy.

There is nothing I can do.
And there is nothing more I can say.
So from here on out, this blog is about me. Not about my ex's.
Because there is a version of me that exists without a man in my life, and it is something better than this.