I reread my last blog. Funny, a couple weeks later the guy that was seemingly only interested in my friends became my boyfriend. And we said "I love you" in weeks. And I spent all of my time with him, and we texted every day, and I fell so hard.
We broke up on New Years Eve.
We had broken up a couple times already, but this time was real. I broke him. I made him so sick of our relationship that all he wants is to be alone now.
Why did I not learn my lesson the last time? I was mean and made him feel bad about himself and we fought all the time over everything and nothing. But he treated me so much better than my last ex. He really did. And I loved him so much.
I still love him. I want him back and I'm texting and driving him crazy as he is pulling away from me, fast.
I feel like the same person I was after the last breakup. I feel like I am not a good girlfriend. But I don't want to work on myself. I don't want to be without him. I feel like last time I wanted to move on but couldn't, and this time I simply just do not want to move on at all.
My last ex came back eventually. Will this one? Probably not. But I can tell my hopes are up. This one was my boyfriend and my best friend. I want to keep him as my best friend and pray he falls back in love with me.
I'm typing all of this and I feel empty. I've been here before. I have yet to experience life on my own. I'm seeing the pattern of me dating a guy, pushing him until he leaves, and then I lose my mind. When will I learn?
When will I stop hurting this time?
No comments:
Post a Comment