I reread all of my past blogs in order.
This most recent ex treated me far better. We had some really bad times, but he loved me, and I knew he did.
But I can't help but feel like maybe I just never fully healed from the one before.
And I'm texting and harassing again, but I don't want to make him as exhausted as my ex before. I want him back but only if he wants to come back.
I don't know my goal right now. To survive? To get him back? To move on?
Really, I know it's to try to just be ok right now until he comes back. And I see that I have so much hope for this because the ex from before did come back, and only finally left when I told him I was in a new relationship.
But he came back. Throughout all the destructive fighting and unhappiness, he came back. I texted him tonight to ask why he came back, but we're not really friends and I just seem weird, so I'm sure he won't answer (he rarely has when I try to maintain a friendship with him).
I don't feel like writing. I'm not sure if this is because I'm actually tired of doing this to myself, or if I'm in denial still.
We'll see. I will keep up this time.
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