Allow yourself to grieve.

I think I feel better now after that cry.

Guess my counselor is right. I need to set aside a little time to grieve sometimes.

It's just so sad. I guess I told my ex that he provides me with nothing beneficial. And the other night I told him I am better off without him.

I just hurt his feelings a lot and I know it. Then I feel bad for him. Then I feel that I did wrong. So the cycle continues.

I miss him, I do. But he makes me so goddamn miserable. When we're together, when we're not together, just all the time. We are both fucking miserable.

Things have gotta change. We are making things worse for each other.

I don't know if he'll ever message me back. Or message me again.

But that means he doesn't care anymore then, or maybe he is just strong enough to realize it's time for him to let go. Because every time I am ready, he's the one that messages me.

I'm ready to let go.

I feel as if I'm about to cry again.

I will not message him today. I will not message him tomorrow. Or the day after. Because all it is doing is hurting us both.

I might get lonely but I guess I will try to keep myself busy for now. I will replace the habit of my ex with new habits. That's all it is. I am replacing a habit.

I will probably be sad for the rest of the day.

But I really need to study for my final now. I will try to stay busy and optimistic.

... And I am forgiving myself right now for saying I will move on for the 1,000,001 time. :)