It's A Great Day To Be Alive

Just got back from my fourth? appointment with my counselor.

I am trying to type fast so I can get everything down and look back for reference.

Today was a lot of lecturing (sort of) from her. She believes she is doing for me what my mother was not around to do.

She thinks I need to work on boundaries. Within myself and for others.

And on being assertive. Not passive-aggressive, or aggressive, just assertive.

I am developing and figuring out what I want. I have a voice. I need to use it.

Communication is very important.

Stability is important. Family can provide stability.

I need to work on forgiving myself still. Forgiveness comes through making changes. Not continuing the pattern of cheating. Not making the same mistakes.

Life is learning.

Having feelings and thoughts I can't entirely control is alright. I will feel these things. Time will heal things.

It is okay to not be okay.

I just need to limit some of these feelings. I can feel them, but not always act on them.

I think I got everything.

Really, I need to work on my values and beliefs still. Exploring my religion.

The next step is also make change (not resist it so much) and discover some interests. Cooking, sewing, bowling... something. Group settings will also help. She suggested group settings.

Dating is also alright. But I should not date my ex if I do not feel ready.

I should not be in a serious relationship for a while.

Guess that will be all for this entry. Learned a lot today. I just need to retain these things.

I will see her in a couple weeks. School is taking up a lot of my time. Work is a distraction, but a necessary one.

I will continue working on myself. Not fixing. Just developing.

Oh, last thing. We talked a lot about my mother today. My counselor feels a relationship with her is necessary. I do not have to be ready for it yet. But eventually I will need it. I will eventually have to be assertive and tell her how I feel so we can move past them, even if she does not necessarily realize it is I who does not really want the relationship with her.