The Highway Don't Care If You're All Alone

I've been crying on and off for hours. So tired of crying again.

My ex texted me today in response to something I sent a couple days ago that I guess he just got. We kind of talked about dating again, but he said it didn't seem like I wanted to, and it led to a big fight. He brought up more than once how he "left me". That he is exhausted and we need to just let it go. I said mean things again. Last thing he said is maybe things would make sense if I weren't so back and forth.

He eventually stopped responding. Again. Even though I sent him like ten text messages.

I feel like he just dumped me again.

He makes me feel so, so useless. And worthless. And as if I don't deserve to be treated special or loved by a man.

I didn't message him first. I was good.

Maybe he really meant it this time. Maybe he really does want to let it go this time. He hasn't said that in a while.

We fight so much and we aren't even together.

I just want to lay around and cry and listen to sad music. I feel physical pain in my chest.

I bet he is drinking or with his friends or I don't even know, but he isn't responding to me.

How can he claim to care about me but not even respond to some text messages that were me confessing how much pain I am in?

... My Dad just walked in and got all mad when he saw me crying and I said I didn't want to talk about it.

My best friends don't really talk to me.

I have never felt so alone in my entire life.

I really am trying to use this time to build myself up, though. To be able to be strong on my own.

I am surviving. I don't need anybody.

I don't need "friends". I don't need my ex.

I only need myself.

Only I can make myself happy.