I posted something that seems to have been deleted. Not sure how that happened.
Recap, I guess:
My ex texted me yesterday asking if I hooked up with somebody over the weekend. I did not want to answer (proud of myself here), but four texts later, he insulted me and finally got me to respond. Then we bickered for a while, me claiming that it's none of his business what I do anymore and neither confirming nor denying anything, until he finally broke me down and I told him the truth (that I did not do anything with anybody else).
He then brought up my proposition I made last week in a drunken emotional state to be friends with benefits again. I asked if that was all he wanted, nothing more, and he says "for now".
I told him I need time to think about if I still want that. He asked if that meant I couldn't go over last night. I told him we have seen each other too much recently for people who have just broken up, and we need a few days apart before we agree to anything.
I should have just said no, I know I should have.
But why is it every single time I am really ready to let go, he is the one who contacts me? What does he want from me?
Is it a sign that I shouldn't let go? Or am I being tested here by a higher power?
I am proud of myself for not jumping at the chance to see him last night. I am proud of myself for not immediately saying yes.
I'm not really considering doing it again. I know it's not in my best interests at all.
However, I am making a mistake by dragging it out. It means I'm still too scared to say goodbye completely.
I'm just glad I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow.
... I'm just so tired. Physically. Mentally. I'm exhausted.
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