Mama Always Told Me That I Should Play Nice, She Didn't Know You When She Gave Me That Advice

More bad news.

Friday night I drunk texted my ex. He told me to come over at about two in the morning. He said he missed me, we didn't have to have sex, and he just wanted me to lay with him.

But as soon as I got there he couldn't stop touching me (sexually). He got upset. Said it seemed like I was over him already. Got his feelings hurt saying I must not be attracted to him anymore. That I just wanted a warm body to lay beside. I mostly agreed with all of these statements.

We fought until we fell asleep. The next morning he woke up late and then tried to have sex with me. I told him I did not want to have sober sex with him, he got snappy, he hurried out.

He texted me later apologizing [only] for snapping at me.

Then, last night, I drunk texted again. He said he missed me [too] and wished I didn't have to be drunk to have sex with him.

I kept texting him all night and alerted him when other men were hitting on me.

This morning he texted me three times before I woke up. I texted back saying I didn't do anything with other men. And that I was sorry and just wanted him to know I really didn't do anything last night and that I was thinking about him.

He just stopped responding.

I am ashamed of my actions. I am immature. I am making dumb decisions.

But what upsets me most is I am alright now. And I feel fine without him. But then I still keep in contact with him.

And then it upsets me that he seems to just only want me for sex. Our relationship seems so shallow and so one-sided. Like we just used each other to fill what we needed.

I know he cares. Or maybe just cared, now. I know I care... or maybe just cared, now.

We're familiar and comfortable with each other to a certain extent. We're still barely holding on.

I keep making the same mistakes. Any person who reads this will shake their head and think how stupid I am being.

I just have my own way of moving on.

I think it's finally getting to the point where we will both let go. The break-up itself was only the beginning of the end. It's getting closer and closer to the end of the end.

I'm proud of myself for not having sex with him.