Only Know You Love Her When You Let Her Go

Discovering new music and new movies today has kept my spirits lifted.

I really feel like I could just put all of my love for him on a boat and watch it sail away. Or I could blow my love into a balloon and let the balloon go. Or even throw every item he's given me into a bonfire and dance around it.

I feel like a bird, ready to spread my wings and just fly far, far away from him.

I am so ready and inspired to let him go.

I am sleeping in my bed tonight, alone (though not entirely since I have my adorable dog-child), and I am just  fine. Without him.

And I will continue thinking of him daily. And I will probably have a few setbacks.

But I have given him my kiss goodbye and have driven away from him. And this time, I will keep driving. No looking back.

I will keep listening to these relatable songs. Although they are sad, they are real and honest and truthful and they speak to my heart.

I will probably cry some more, as I have today, but behind these tears also reveals a smile.

There really is so much beauty in walking away.

My heart still swells at the fact that I love him so much. My heart could really burst at how much I wanted it to work.

However, we did not work. I only hope one day fate will present itself and bring us back together again, one way or another.

"But life is complicated. and you never know what's gonna happen.....but if it's meant to be, it'll be, and if it's not, it won't."

"And I don't know what i'm doing. And I think if I had it all figured out, I would be doing something wrong. Because I think it makes it so that you can't grow. And you have to be confused in life or else you won't grow."

I embrace the confusion. I open my heart up to love again; to love myself this time. I admit defeat to my ever-failing quest of trying to control everything in my life.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, or what on earth is going to happen in my life. It's scary and beautiful at the same time.

And I am alright with this.