The Beginning

I am not entirely sure for my reasons behind creating this blog. I do own a personal journal, but I suppose I may feel as if having to take the time to physically write my feelings down stifles my thinking process.

I am not that interesting. I am not that wise. I do expect any readers of this blog.

However, I do want to write. I need to start documenting my feelings. Why?

Because I am going through the motions of a break-up and am finally ready to move on. I no longer want to think of him all day long and mention his name excessively to my friends, family, and coworkers. I am tired of moping. I am still sad. I don't know when this will change. But, I have accepted that it is time to let go. And I feel as if keeping track of how I feel on a daily basis will eventually lead to me recognizing progress and feeling alright.

If anybody does stumble across this blog, I am only twenty years old. I am young. I have so much life to live. I know you will be thinking all of these things, and I agree. However, it does not make the pain of loving somebody who left me disappear any quicker.

I am thankful to have fallen in love. I am thankful to have learned. I am thankful that for once I am walking away from this break-up with dignity (I've never been able to do so with past relationships).

Today, I woke up missing him. I was fighting the urge to contact him. But I must remember, that he did not respond to me last time, even after saying he was second guessing his decision to end our relationship. I especially need to remember that if he truly loved and appreciated me, he would never make me park streets down and walk just to have sex with him.

This pain will subside. I miss him because I love him. But I must respect myself enough to begin the process of falling out of love. I will no longer contact him. I will no longer allow myself to mope around. I have accepted that we are done and I will be alright without him.

My name is Emlee Laine, and this is my journey.